Dreaming What Ifs...

Another Jammin' Update AND "in the Doctor's Words"

First off - THANK YOU for all the prayers and positive thinking.  It has meant the world to me for all your generosity and support.  I'm seriously teared up right now thinking about all of my internet friends and how wonderful you all are!!!  It has made me feel so much better knowing how many people were thinking of Jammin' on Monday!

His surgery went great and he has recovered and is doing well.  The surgeon was able to remove most of the growth (or "tumor" as he called it).  His eye looks great and he should recover without any problems.....

But now the waiting begins for the pathology report.....

In the Surgeon's words:

"In all the surgeries I've done, there have only been a handful...no, actually two times, and this is the second time, that I've removed a tumor from an eye and didn't know what it was before I removed it."

"I'm pretty sure it won't be malignant, BUT, after I got in there I decided if this was MY kid, I'd want to have everything possible done just in case it turned  out to be malignant....so I did cryotherapy (freezing) on his eye.  That way, if it is something more, we will be able to treat it easier."

"We've got the best pathologist in the state looking at the tissue sample.  He's the best....of course he is the ONLY eye pathologist in the state of Oregon, but still the best.  He is the head of this whole department and my boss.  He'll get it identified as soon as he can....it could take two weeks, but I'm hoping he'll get on it quicker than that."

As I've said - the real wait begins now.  Hopefully, we will know the results by this Friday - but then our doctor leaves for a week's vacation, Christmas - etc.....it could be after Christmas before we find out anything.  In the meantime, I am going to try and enjoy this season to its fullest and try not to worry. 

Thanks again!!!!!

Jammin' update

Monday, December 14th Dave and I will drive to The Casey Eye Institute.  Jammin' will be sedated and a Biopsy will be taken of the growth on his eye. 

I'm not so concerned about the sedation part of the procedure.  I'm sure he will be fine.  I am trusting the anesthesiologist to be on top of Jammin's vitals.  I'm not too concerned about the doctor's surgical abilities.  He is in the top of his field.

But the words "lymphoma", "malignancy", and "rare" have me on the edge of panic.  It might not be cancer.  The growth could be another completely curable disease.  But, then again, it might not.

I am the type of person who likes to think the worst.  That way - nothing is ever as bad as I imagined it to be.  If I think the worst, I won't be let down.  If I think the worst, I'm always pleasantly surprised at how nice things turned out.

But, when thinking the worst about a situation with my child....the gut wrenching fear is almost too much.  I just can't think the worst..... that worst is cancer.

So, I'm not thinking at all.... I've been baking Christmas cookies.  I've been decorating.  I've been making our Christmas cards.  I've been cleaning. 

But, on Monday I'll have an hour of time to think as Jammin' lays sedated under a surgeon's knife.  I think it will be the longest hour of my life. 

A Sticky Situation

Part of the responsibilities for my new role as Classroom Coordinator for the Development Team is to sit in on monthly meetings where we learn about all the going-ons at the school.  Then, I can pass all this information to the other parents and help correct the ongoing dis-informational rumors and help set the record straight.

Yesterday was such a meeting, and as always I took the Caboose with me.  Since the meetings are very informal, he runs around behind me with two other children whose mom's are coordinators for other classrooms.  

The Caboose and 3 year old Terry ran across the room and sat under one of the temporary tables.  I watched from the corner of my eye as the two inspected the table legs and played with a metal ring that locks the table legs in place.  I worried a little about the table collapsing (one of many dangerous thoughts that run through a mom's head every day) but figured the legs were locked pretty tight.  The tables seemed very stable and I doubted either child had the strength to push the legs.

My eyes wondered back to the speaker and I listened intently as she spoke of the discontent one parent was having with the constant fundraisers.  I silently agreed, but knew that was an aspect of private school one put up with.

Then my eyes swung back to the Caboose and I saw something in his hand....

something stringy........

connecting from his hand to his mouth......

GUM!

I know words left my mouth.  I don't remember what words.  Considering my children attend a private Christian school, I am hoping "BY GUM" or "HAVE MERCY" or even a "HEAVEN TO BETSY".  But, I doubt it.  I have a tendency to cuss when surprised, hurt, or panicked.

Previously chewed gum.  At that moment in time, there really wasn't much worse he could have found.  Previously. Chewed. Gum.  How disgusting is that?

As I dug it out of his mouth and from his hand, I looked under the table.  It was clean.  That meant he had found the only ONE piece of previously chewed gum that had been planted there.

Previously chewed gum.  It gives me the willies just thinking about it.  I can only imagine what type of germs came out of the chewer's mouth. 

and I was worried about a table collapsing.....

A Letter to Santa from a Kindergartener

Because we could all use a little levity right now - here is Buttercup's letter to Santa (translation at the end)

Dear Santa.

I wunt a pink DS

Dulchroop

Hur stiyling set

choclis with chrry fileeing

webkinz

noow clows

har clips

my littllis pet chp

Thank you

Buttercup

Translation:

Dear Santa

I want a

Pink DS

The Troop

Hair Styling Set

Chocolate with Cherry Filling

Webkinz (no translation needed except to correct the backwards Z)

New Clothes

Hair clips

My Littlest Pet shop.

It Can Always Get Worse or Why I'm Thankful We're Alive

It all started last Wednesday:

Wednesday:   Jammin' has a growth on his eye.  We've been trying to cure it since it was first discovered in July.  We drove North to Portland to see the Specialist.  To make it short - the Cornea Tumor Specialist didn't identify the growth, but gave us drops to try with a return visit for one week.   On the way home I had a flat tire.

Thursday:   While at Piano lesson, The Caboose tumbled head over heels down the stairs.  He lost his breath but appeared to be un-injured. 

Friday:  The Caboose started puking without a fever....due to the stair tumbling, I took him to the pediatrician who confirmed a slight concussion.   His puking worsened over the day and so did his lethargy.  So, the doctor, fearing a head injury sent me to the ER....where the Caboose had to be sedated and given a CT scan.  Fortunately, the CT scan was clear (which meant the Caboose just had the stomach flu).

Saturday:  We drove up to Portland again for my step-mom's 60th birthday bash.  There were no incidents to report - thus, we were tricked into the security of a false lull.

Sunday:  The Caboose tripped over his own feet and banged his face into a bookcase (giving himself a black eye).  Two hours later, Jammin' pushed the Caboose off a chair (accidentally), giving his brother a bloody nose and fat lip.  On the way home from Portland, I was pulled over by a police officer and given a speeding ticket.  (I admitted guilt for speeding because I had two sets of eyes and ears listening to my every word.)

I told Dave  "This speeding ticket was the icing on this week's cake.  I don't think it can get much worse."

It got worse.

7pm - Buttercup started puking

9pm - Jammin' started puking

12am - I started puking.

Monday:  As I stumbled wearily to the door to let the dogs in from their morning pee - a horrible smell hit my nose.  Zoe had rolled herself in some dead deer.

Tuesday:  We all woke up feeling better and recovered from whatever horrible bug we had contracted.  But, it was the day for laundry and trying to get ready for our big eye appointment for Wednesday.

Wednesday:  Jammin' saw the Cornea Tumor specialist again today.  The drops have done minimal impact to the growth.  He sent us to another specialist in the facility who took a long deep look.  Together, it was decided that a Biopsy is in order. 

Whatever the growth - it is rare.  Neither doctor has seen the like before.  They are narrowing it down to 3 rare disorders (one of which is lymphoma....which scares the hell out of me).  Only a biopsy will let them know for sure.  Right now, the growth is not affecting his eye sight, nor is it painful.  However, the growth is beginning to grow into the Cornea - and that is what worries them. 

I am trying to remain hopeful.  I am trying to remain cheerful.  I am thankful for being alive....but it has been a tough week and looks to get tougher. 

Guess What She Wants for Christmas.....

The first tooth fell out Friday evening around 7pm. 

She pulled out the second one by herself Saturday morning around 11am.  (out of fear that her Uncle Ed, the "expert" tooth puller, so named by his 26 year old daughter, was going to get his dental-floss and lasso the loose varmint.)